Christmas Family Photos!

love my smile, but too shadowy...

Hate my smile, love Jades.

Cant for the life of me figure out how to turn these the right way......

This is our "actual" family photo this year.

didnt use this, but I love how happy Eva looks.

I adore the fact the photographer got the kids to put their arms around each other.

This is the "official" pic of the two of them.  I dont think it could be any more perfect.

Not the best, but still adorable

This may be my faverate photo - period, like, ever.

Evas official shot, of course.

I love this one - we didnt use it, but - its just - so- *them*.

This one we got copies of.  Jades *just* about in tears there, but you really have to know him, to tell.

Always has to be one, with someones eyes closed.

Good photo, but no, we didnt get copies of it.

Happy Birthday, Clayton Jade

And yes, Im late with writing this one.  I had to give it - a great deal of thought.
You turned three, last week.
You love robots, and cars, and puppies, and your faverate color is bright red.  You follow me around and try to help me with everything, and if you could be cuddled all day, I think you would be.
You have the most gentle touch in the world.  Even Mena, our most delicate cat, so badly abused before we got her, adores you, and lets you pet her.  She sits with you, when you are sick, or upset - which is often.
You are an emotional little boy.  Its a constant roller coaster of ups and downs.  You hate loud noises, and your sister, teasing you.
And she teases you ceaselessly. She knows she can get away with it, most of the time.
You share everything, and never say no to her.  You dont seem to have a selfish bone in your little body.

We call your dimple, your "kiss catcher".  Your smile is like sunshine - all warmth and brightness and honesty.
You love people.  You can be shy, but usually warm up to people remarkably fast, and love to touch buttons, necklaces and earrings - anything that gets you close to them, preferably into their laps.

You love to be swung around, and carried, but you dont like to do things on your own.  Even walking over a steep bridge, the angle of it scares you, but I can hang you upside down by your ankles and you laugh yourself stupid.
And your laugh.  Oh god, I dont think theres anybody left who isnt totally adoring of your laugh.  Its quite possibly the best sound in the whole world.

You literally, roll out of bed each morning, right onto the floor.  Its why you dont have a bed-frame yet.  And you are usually smiley, in the morning.  Bouncing up and asking for toast and juice and robots.  Or sometimes, my faverate, is when you look at me and ask "Watch you doin here?"

You cling, when we carry you, and bury your head in our necks. 
Your faverate foods are chicken nuggets, and fruit bars.  and Wheaties.  Although I think that last one is just to keep your sister from stealing your cheerios, because Ive started to notice that although you ask for them, you dont actually eat them much.

At this moment, I see you in the future in a job where touch is important.  A doctor, a therapist.  Something very tactile and personal.
That is, if you could ever get your memory up to par. 
You get so frustrated, and lost, when you cant find your cup.  Your sister these days, when she finds it, hands it to you forcefully and says "Here, cup!"
But she adores you, as much as you do her.  And whenever you hurt yourself, she comes and brings you blankets, and your puppy, and hugs you, and tells you everythings ok.  And every morning, when we drop her off for pre-school, you get a kiss goodbye.

I spoil you, a bit too much, when we go out together, while your sister is at school.  You get upset, so easily, that sometimes, its the only thing I know to fix it.  In another week or so, we take you to get your official diagnoses.  I am both looking forward to, and dreading this.  But to have it over and done with, will be good.  For all of us.

Since putting you in my arms, three years ago, I have come to the solid conclusion that no woman's life is complete, until she has a son.  Its possibly a terrible thing to say, but - I do feel sorry for them.  I tell people "Your boy will look at you, every day, the way you only wish your husband would know how to" 
I know you're a "mama's boy" but I think at three - thats still ok.
If at 16, your still this adoring and clingy, well, then Ill know somethings screwed up. *laughs*.

I cant say that I love you more then your sister.  But shes so independent, and so - sassy, that I have a very different kind of love for her.  With you, I am very much - "mama" and I adore it.
Happy birthday, my little snuggle-bug...
I love you.

Happy Birthday, Akiva Grace.

Yesterday, you turned four.

You wanted dry cheerios for breakfast, for the first time, didnt cry when I measured you.  You watched "robots" all day - Iron man and Transformers.
When I left you at school, you screamed so loud in anger that everybody actually stopped and  looked.
when I picked you up, you ran to me, calling out "Thats the mama!" and gave me a hug.

When I put you to bed, you pouted, and it was only after I went on a ramble, that I got a response from you.  I said "I know that mama can be stupid sometimes" and you rolled your eyes as if to say "no shit" - and promptly stuck your finger up your nose.

Which thankfully, I know is my cue to take the finger out saying "Nooooo nononono" and start tickling you madly - and I knew that whatever I had done to upset you, I was forgiven.

You dont really talk, and it makes life very hard for us.  But we know you are smart.  We believe you to be already borderline genius,  just from what we can see that you understand.  Comments like the one above.  Or your ability to remember entire movie scripts so easily.
You love dinosaurs, fairy's, and robots.  You have a pink blanket.  Its your "beeka" still.  You dont carry it around with you as much as you used to, but you still do occasionally.  Your Grandma and Grandpa Trehearne got it for you when you were born.  It used to have stars and moons imprinted on it.  They are long gone.
Your faverate colors are pink and purple.  You like bright, loud, and sparkly clothes.  We tend to call you our little rock star.  or our little Nicole Kidman.  The first thing anybody ever says upon seeing you is how beautiful your hair is, and I think you, along with us, are already tired of hearing about it.
I love your eyes, and your lips, even more.  You have the most perfect little bow tie pout.  And the clearest, bluest eyes, under those red bangs.It combines to make you a rather shockingly beautiful child.  And since you are smart, and very obviously a Type A personality (like mama) - You're going to have a rough time of things.

You love to boss people around that you know.  Your brother suffers under your lash most often.  You get so angry, when he doesnt do what you want him to.  You've hit him, and even pushed him down the stairs twice.  But he adores you.  And you love him.  My faverate moments, these days are when you two are cuddling on the couch together, or on good mornings, when you give him a kiss before we leave you at school.

Youve been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  And yes, Im a horrible mother.  You have a touch of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  When you get older, please dont use that against me - I feel bad about it already, and am still trying to come to grips with the constant guilt and grief there.
At the same time, Im not going to go easy on you.  I went my whole life on the spectrum, with FAS, and it was undiagnosed.  And if I can get where *I* am - you can definitely go further, with the knowledge and assistance available to you.
You have some amazing strengths.  You love to organize and have amazing fine motor skills.  You can stack the tiniest thing, and the largest, with a natural precision that alot of adults cant compare with.  You have unlimited patience for a task, and can be content for hours, doing one thing.  You are a perfectionist.  And want things just how you want them, and love to clean.
There have been days, where you have cleaned your own room, made your own bed, then moved on and done the same in Jades, and then *ours*.  Granted, you tend to toss daddies blanket on the ground, and spread mine out to cover the whole bed, and get angry at him for messing it up, by putting his up. (His, my dear, is the Queen sized blanket, mine is just a twin)  But you do a good job, never the less.
You also love to fight with your brother over who helps me clean the kitchen.  Emptying and restocking the dishwasher, mostly - but you are getting big enough, almost to start putting things away too.
You dont like unloading groceries, quite as much though, and that tends to be your brothers faverate thing.

The entire time Ive been sitting here, typing this, you have sat in silence, at the end of the couch, intently watching Ironman.  Sometimes you rock back and forth a bit, but otherwise, theres nothing.  Your brother, has been sitting in the easy chair, vocalizing the oddest sounds.  I think you like it, in part, because Pepper Pots is a red head too.

You are a Daddies Girl, of course.  Wrapped around your finger tight and secure.  But when you get hurt, you still come to me.

You - Akiva Grace, are a shooting star.  I fiery, energetic, mesmerizing, ball of sparkle and optimism.  You already understand restraint, and when to just let loose.
You amaze us daily, and I couldnt love you any more then I do this moment.  You have redefined my world, and I adore you for it.
Happy Birthday, Akiva.

updates....

Eva is doing well at school.  Making friends, progressing with physical and mental tasks.
Jade is in the final steps before going to the Glenrose for his official diagnoses. 

I didnt write about it at first, because I wasnt sure how to cope with the award winning, world renowned pediatrician looking me in the eyes and saying "you have a very sweet little boy, but he is going to need a great deal of help".

Ive started smoking again.  I hate it, but it does help me both stay calmer, and eat less.
The smell makes me want to gag still though.

I really do think its just the anti-depressents that make me so tired.  Since Ive upped my dosage about a month ago, Ive gotten to the point now where I want four hour afternoon naps again, *and* an early bed time.  Any activity at all just wipes me out. 

It doesnt help that we've decided that me attempting to go to the gym with Jade, on days when Im not anything other then 100% is cruel and unusual punishment - for me.  Although I still contend that *that* particular activity would constitute abuse for any woman, not just me.

I drop Eva off at school, and I walk away to a host of angry,  please dont leave me, type screams from my daughter.  I then deal with an upset Jade, all the way to the gym.  Once at the gym, I deal with *him* crying and screaming, because mama is leaving him. 
Of course, the difference is that Eva settles down the moment Im out of earshot, and has a good day.  Jade wont settle at all, untill someone in there cuddles him, and then they cant put him down, the intire time Im working out, or he screams.
They say they dont mind, but it *does* rather ruin my adrenaline high to come back in, and see him still crying and sniffling, clinging to a person who *really* doesnt get paid enough to deal with this kind of thing.

And mentally - I cant deal with it.  Next year, hopefully, it will *just* be him, causing the fuss, at the door of the school, but then again, since he will be waiting with Eva, maybe it wont be as bad as Im expecting.  Either way, the gym will be much more accessible to me, when Im not worried about jade freaking out and ending my workout before it begins.

Tonight we watched the new version of the Karate Kid.  Ive never seen them *both* so interested in a live action movie.  Particularly Jade, who never imitates what he sees on the screen, but did try to tonight.  Maybe another year or so, Ill put them in a class for either Kung Fu, or ... ... ... mind-fart - I cannot for the life of me at this moment remember the type of Martial Art Popsi teaches/trains in. OH! Tae Kwon Do... yes.  one of the two.
I may even start taking classes myself.

But thats - a way off.  Right now, I need to focus on today.  On staying awake, and getting my dose back down.  So I can stay awake for more then four hours at a time.  I think the *worst* of the "crisis" is over with.  I - realize - now, how much God - plans - for all of this.  If there had even *been* an "Aspergers" Disorder, back when I was a child, and by some miracle, I had been diagnosed, Im fairly certain, given my track record with - so many things - I would have probably grown up in some kind of group home for the mentally ill.

And before you all say "no way" - remember, there are *reasons* why I dont cook, most of the time.  If I get distracted, things get burnt, at best - destroyed and on fire, if its bad enough.  I leave laundry in the machine for days at a time, and sometimes - not often, but sometimes, Ill admit, they stay in too long, and it takes multiple washings to then get the smell out of them.
And these are only two examples.  never mind the *multitude* of jobs Ive lost, the problems with my rage, and yeah... the fact Im getting - more sensitive, as I get older - to noise, and to people.
Tigger gets it, thankfully, and has little difficulty in - coping - with the necessities, of living with me, but - Hes literally one in a million.

SO yes, if my life had gone any other way, with this, it would have - most likely, been more then just a bit disastrous.  As it is, Ive learned how to cope, how to manage, in ways that alot of my "peers" couldnt ever.  And all of it has a part - the years of Drama classes, of Pastoral training, even tidbits I picked up in dance, through working at the church in Naniamo, with Dave, through speech arts... it all gave me skills - *forced* me to develop skills, that most people with Aspergers, just usually dont develop.

I *know* what a person can be capable of.  I know what my *kids* will be capable of.  And when *not* to push those limits.  I know what its like to look at someone, and know you have nothing left, and have them say "you have no choice - everybody else does it, you can do it too"

I know what its like, to fight twice as long, and twice as hard, then anybody around me, just to get to "normal".  And not have anybody believe you, or understand you.  Even though they still believe *in* you.  And how much that can hurt.

SO yeah, I think, I can - start taking steps forward, now.  Seeing where the next step is, for myself, and my family. The first thing I need to do, as embarrassing as it is, is find out what all these different groups are, and what they can do for us, and...most importantly, what each groups *purpose* is.. because, all I know right now, is that there are all these people who phone me, and I keep putting them off, because untill now, I havent had the resources, at my disposal, to figure them all out.

And yes, start lowering my dose - trying again.  Because I need to be *awake*.

So - interesting...

I always related to vampires so easily.

But as I went to bed last night, I realized, that quite suddenly, it would seem my fascination has been suddenly, and violently back-burnered.  Perhaps finally, even removed.

My - oddities - such as they are, were easy to hide, in a vampiric cloak.  It was easier to explain my strangeness by saying that I really didnt belong amongst the rest of the living.  I played up the fact that I was - and I am - allergic to sunlight, silver, and garlic.  It gave me a place to belong.  A place where I felt marginally accepted.

Now though - I feel a great deal like Ive been - transferred.  Aspergers - Aspies, tend toward light sensitivity, odd verbal mechanics, frequent headaches, enjoyment in research - and more - indoor pursuits.  Pedantic monologues, auditory sensitivity, daydreams, and "living inside their heads".  (for the record, I hate the term "Aspies" even though its wildly accepted within the community - it makes me think of a breed of dog.)

I am no longer a freak - just - a subdivision of normal.
Im not sure how this makes me feel, though.  My - identity, has dwelt in the undead, for *so* long.  To - in a sense, finally become a mere mortal, is - disconcerting.  Yes, Ive *always* recognized that I am mortal, no I *never* really thought I was a vampire... but...in my head - in *my* world... I obviously associated my - peculiarities, there. 

With this, comes the deep seated sensation of - "mentally deficient"  Depression, is an illness, and with the concept of mental illness, recovery is always an option.  But Aspergers, isnt something that you can "recover" from.  You can disguise it, hide it, and play around the edges a bit, but its *always* there.

No - *I* am still the person I was before the diagnoses, but *with* the diagnoses, comes a full re-evaluation of my entire life.  Every friendship, every job, every fight, is thrust into a different light.  In almost every case, thier treatment of me *was* unfair - and had people been able to understand my limitations, I probably would have been treated very differently.

On the other hand, if they had known my limitations, would I have achieved as much as I have?  Probably not.  No one would have expected me, or possibly even allowed me, to do many things.  Including, most likely, live on my own.  Something that I now recognize would actually be - and was, very difficult for me.

And yet... I desire the quiet.  The lack of possession.  I understand now, why "things" bother me - why *clutter* bothers me.  I need things ordered.  I need - visual and auditory space.  And when too much is around me - even expectation - I run away.

So yes.  I am finally leaving that darkness behind me.  Im not "stepping into the light" though, as much as stepping into a well defined room, with light in it.  And I feel - semi-comfortable there.

It doesnt mean that that the transition is easy.  The frequent panic attacks, the depression, the anxiety Ive felt recently, all attests to that.  Once I am - relaxed, in this new place, I will again be able to test my bounderies - perhaps even push them as much as I always have.

But for the first time in my life, I can finally relax, and be me.  I can say "no, I *cant* do that - and just because you can, doesnt mean I *should*."  I no longer have to compete with "normal" people, and prove my worth - by out performing them.  (This was a trick I Learned, I think in my teens - if you exceeded expectations of normal people, they forgave you *most* of your oddities- even your temper tantrums)

SO forgive me, if for a while, I hide in my house, saying "no".
 Right now, its exactly the therepy I need.

New Pictures....

Eva first...

yes, Im asking you to lkove me - again.

Because when you dont...I just look cuter.

First day of school, and why yes, my skirt *is* pleated.

now, Jade...

No, its not a dimple, its a kiss catcher.

Sisters first day of school! yay! I dont have to go!

and just because they are sooo cute....

Uhhh, Eva? what did wee do this time?

We are trouble... love us?

plx stp nao k thx?

So very busy

Between Eva at school, and me back at the gym, and getting sick.... its been insane.

But I relized something last night.

Eva has been acting out *horribly* this last week - and I suddenly realized *why*.
She misses me.

She used to spend all day with me, now - shes away all morning.  Shes misbehaving to get my attention - to reassure herself that mommy is still there for her.  SO last night, I *gasp* stepped away from my computer...
I know, Hell just got a morning coat of frost, but - yes, I cuddled, tickled and chased my little girl around all night.

Hopefully, this will pass, when she realizes nothing with me has changed.  But untill then, shes going to need a whole lot of extra reassurance, that even though her whole little life is "changing" - Mama, will always be there for her.

I guess its time

to tell the tale of today.

Everything ran smooth, more or less.
They didnt want to eat breakfast, but Im assuming thats because it was earlier then usual, and they arent used to being on a schedule, either.
Got to the school in plenty of time, and then...

The last visual picture I have of my daughter, is classic.
She got about 30 feet down the hallway, went to her knees, and started *screaming*.
I asked the principle if I should go to her, and she said that it probably wasnt the best idea.
I watched as the teachers had to pick her up, and she reached over her shoulder, screaming for "Mama".
Thats when I walked out the door with her brother, trying not to cry.

Went to the gym, and managed to walk just over a mile in 20 minutes.  Got downstairs, did 20 push ups, 20 lunges with each leg, and then was called up to the child care room.
Jade had finally noticed that I wasnt there, and was freaking right out.

So that was the end of my morning workout.

Went grocery shopping, bought balloons.
then went to pick up the little girl.

Who apparently did very well.  She calmed down, and started fussing a bit I guess, during transitions, but other wise, survived very nicely.
Mama, of course, survived, but - Im exhausted.  Im even trying to just *not* cook meat tonight, but if daddy doesnt come home soon, Im going to have to do *something* for them.
Tomorrow, will either be better, or worse, because they know whats coming.

Lets hope for better.

Oh yes, I know Eva learned *something* today, because she can now make a little heart with her thumb and fists, and has been flashing that at me all evening.
so *freaking* adorable.

I know....

its been a while, but really, there hasnt been a lot to reoport, just the daily grind of tears, funny faces, and cuddles. 
But I suppose I should mention that today I go for *my* first pyche appointment to look at being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. 

It really doesnt matter to me, Ive realized, what the Dr. says.  I *know* that this is what I have, and the knowing the truth of this, has set me free.  ive never been happier in my life, then I am right now.  Never felt so free to just relax in my own skin.  I finally dont have to fight to be "normal".  I finally am allowed to hold my obsessions, Im allowed to have my issues.  Im allowed, at last, to not be able to cope, sometimes, with things that "normal" people can, and yet survive easily what they cant.

The combination of FAS, and Aspergers, has made me a brillent, sensitive, shy teacher.  A woman who sees too much and knows too much and lectures and storms and cries and hurts....  and is *happy*.
I can *be* obsessed with vampires, and still be a solid Christian.  I can love the realms of fantasy, and still cling to reality with a passion that terrifies even myself.  I can spend all day, reading 1 proverb, obsessed with one verse and the multitude of truths it holds.

Because God worked extra hard, to make sure I was built *exactly* like this.
Disabled.
"Wrong in the Head"
yeah...

these days - that brings me the one thing Ive wanted all my life, but been unable to find.
Peace.

An official diagnosis, wont take this from me.  But it will *vindicate* me.
It will, once and for all, be something I can carry with me, and take to all these people who just cast me aside, and couldnt tell me why.
Why Marie, thought I was "fake"
Why the people I first lived with, in Naniamo, kicked me out with no warning just because "this wasnt working out"
Why the record store fired me, thinking I was stoned all the time
Why the kids picked on me *so* badly in school.
Why the SA probably canned me, and gave me a massive settlement so I wouldn't sue them.
Why people are always saying to me that Im too blunt, too honest.
Why for years we "joked" that my best friend had to follow around behind me, making sure I hadnt hurt anybodies feelings.

and why to this day, I still have to color code my smarties before I eat them.

to all those people, helpful and hurtful, I will finally be proven.
and *that* idea? Makes me positively giddy.

I am finally free.
the *TRUTH* - has set me free...

funny how that works, isnt it?

RItual vs Routine

http://physicalsubculture.com/links/ritual-vs-routine/

Yes, I know that link is mostly about fitness, but it does make the clarification I needed.
Autistic and Aspergers are often accused of having deep seated "rituals" that must be performed.  But I had to start to wonder, why "ritual"?

Honestly, I think its because people are stupid.  They dont understand, or wish to understand, all the nuances of the language, and can only comprehend that what they interpret as routine is different, and more fluid then anothers.  Because rigid rules and the "performance" aspect of children (look at me, love me!) reminds a person of what a ritual looks like, they make a surface judgment.

But a Ritual, is not a routine.  A ritual should inspire, should strengthen ones soul and mind.  A ritual, far from being a negative thing, is a positive enforcement of our own ability to "touch the divine".
A routine, is something done because you have to, and have discovered the fastest, most efficient way to make sense out of it.  Just because you do it a different way from another - doesnt make *thiers* wrong, or ritual, or stupid, it just shows the fabulous differences between the workings of our minds.

Ritual should fuel the fire that drives us through routine.
yes.

I like that.

Happy Birthday to me...

If I want to be diagnosed, apparently, it will cost me 3000$.
So much for *that* idea.

In other news - last night, I had to go into Jades room, after hours.
We put both kids to bed with music.  Eva cannot reach her system, but Jade can reach his, and he *loves* too crank it as loud as it goes.  Unfortunately, it got in the way of us enjoying our porn - I mean HBO - True Blood.... annnnnnnyways......
He had turned it up, and so I had to go in and turn it down.
He was laying beside his bed, his blankets and pilow all off the mattress, and on the floor  like a little bed.  but he was *afraid*... He was laying there - whimpering, but shaking.  After a few moments of cuddling, I got him back on the mattress and ok to leave alone, but  I did find it a bit disturbing.


But as I write this He has discovered that if takes mama's hand while shes typuing, and pulls - he can get her to come with him.  I finally had to pick him up and finish this with him on my lap, hands on mine - because otherwise, I wasnt going to be able to finish...
I think its cuddle time, dont you?

Tha calm afternoon was shattered....

with a piercing, mournful wail.
From my daughter.

Now, if this had been my son, I would have waited to see if it continued on for more then ten minutes, then *Maybe* would have gotten him.
Since it was my daughter, I immediantly went to see what the hell was wrong.

I opened the door to find the following scene...

She is standing at the end of her bed, pointing at it like its possesed.
All her toys have been obviously violently pitched off it it.

and I can see - nothing.
So I move closer...and she shrieks, as if whatever is bothering her is about to fly off the bed, and attack me.
Im getting weirded out.

I kneel, and then I see it... the worlds smallest little beetle, looking desperately for a safe way down.
Smaller then a ladybug.

I leave the room to get kleenex.    She screams louder.
I come back into her room, and kneel beside the bug, reaching for it...
She screams louder.
I pick it up and flush it down the tiolet.
Silence.

I crawl onto the mattress, and lay down, holding out my arms for her.
She lays down, like a brick.  Flat on her back, arms straight, absolutely terrified.
I cuddle her for a few moments.
I get up.
Shes asleep - stiff as a board... every muscle, even in her sleep, primed for that terrible sensation of something *other* creeping along your flesh.

I sympathize.
But Im sstill aughing myself stupid, because - well -
you *have* to, I think.

How much can you handle.

Jade woke up at 6, crying.
He was whimpering and crying, while I cuddled him.
He was screaming, and crying, while I bathed him.
He was crying, while I bathed his sister.
He was whimpering and crying, while they watched Veggietales.
He was whimpering, ceaselessly, like something was wrong, all during sleeping Beauty.
Now, nearing the end of Dawn of the Dinosaurs, he is finally, blissfully quiet. (guess whos pick *that* movie was)

But honestly, folks? How much could *you* handle?
He cries when you give him cuddles, cookies, breakfast, bathes...
He whimpers like hes in pain, while you change him, while you walk with him, while you tickle him - even while hes laughing.

I am losing my mind.

Tired

very, very tired.
Yesterday was hard.  We were in the mall from about 11.30 to 2.
Jade walks very slow.  He is distracted by everything, and particularly fascinated by escalators.
Eva walks very fast, and just wants to get things done.
Shes *scared* of the escalator.

During lunch, the three of us sat there, silent and eating.  Im sure the people around me thought I was horrible for not interacting with my children, but - they dont talk. 

Well - not really
although we did get a few full sentences out of Jade.  He asked a lady at the school "Whats in the bag" or at least, thats what she thought he said.
there were others, but Ive forgotten them. of course.

Today we've all been a little tired and cranky.  Hopefully, after nap, things will go better.

Dinner time redux

Eva ate all of hers (chicken, peas, and potato) but Jade once again, didnt want his.
Eventually, they move to the seats side by side, after some play time, and some other stuff.
Eva begins to spoon feed her brother the rest of his dinner.

With every bite, she says "Open Wide, or the Big Bad Monster will get you"
(from Planet 51)

She did eat some herself, of course, but most of it - went to him.
Impressive, really - that she can get him to eat when we cant.

"Hold on a second"

"I gotta do something"

These are the words, clear as day, that greeted me this morning as I opened my sons door.
He then went and grabbed his cup, and his puppy.

Eva was up - shed opened her own door, had come out, and as soon as I got Jade, she went back to bed.  With the cat.

After giving them both some dry shredded wheat for breakfast - like me, they dont seem to like mushy textures, and I cant get them to eat it with milk.  They went to sit on the couch, where I witnessed Eva give Jade a rther cruel kick to the soler plexus, and take his wheaties.
Needless to say, he got cuddles, and she got sent to her room.
Particularly since she hadnt eaten her own, yet.

Yes, just another morning in the madhouse....

Ugh

Baby bath time - the usual.  Jade in last, out first.   He likes th bath - but the minute his ears hit the water he starts to scream blue murder.  He had a breif period where it didnt bother him, so Im fairly certian its not his ears, its just an aversion to having them under the water.
Eva is an angel, as usual.

Jade finally finished his breakfast, in time for lunch, which he didnt finish, and instead, spread all over the table. (yogurt)
Needless to say, the table cloth is now in the laundry, and hes going to bed.
Nap time anyways.
*sighs*

And no, his lunch wasnt just yogurt.  Ive discovered that there is less fuss and mess, if I bring out one part at a time.  SO they get thier cup of fruit first, then thier yogurt, and then, if they still want more, they get some bread and cheese.  (We are working on getting them up to sandwhiches)

Ive already forgotten

what they did this morning... except Jade wouldnt eat his breakfast.
Tigger made eggs in a nest.

They both devoured the left over piece of bread, and Eva, after checking it out, ate all of hers. Albeit, slowly.
But Jade simply wouldnt eat his.  Too new a food, I guess.

Last post today

working together, they managed to get the very heavy concrete pad off the top of thier sandbox.  They moved the lid of the sandbox against the fence, just like daddy does.  They then proceeded to remove about 7 cups worth of sand from the box, into a pile on the grass.

Obviously, if they were allowed into the box, there wouldnt be a giant concrete block on top of the lid.
Also note, that the reason for not being allowed into the box, is because of removing said sand, from the box.

They were promptly sent to bed.

Now, if I could just stop being impressed, maybe it would be a *real* punishment.

*giggles a plenty*

possibly a good sign of imagination in my son, I just watched him pretend he was a cat, along side of my cat - or at least imitate everything she does.  Well, kinda
 Dexter was rubbing her cheeks against the laundry basket, - Jade thought she was biting it, so he proceeded to try to chew on it.  When I told him to stop, I laughed harder, because thats when Dexter started to scratch like a dog, only more her neck then behind her ears... and yes, Jade then started using his hands, scratching in the same manner.
Definitely my laugh of the day, and a good sign of imaginative play.
He didnt eat his dinner, but Eva did.

Saw him walking on his tip toes tonight too.

Currently hes outside, p laying with grass, and Eva isss curled up with blankets and cat on couch, watching Pirtes of the Caribbean 2.
But even now, Jade whimpers - has been all night.  Not crying, but - just on that verge, upset about something I do not understand, or recognize.
Every whimper, hurts.  Because I cant fix it, and its coming on pretty much two minute intervals.  When I ask him whats wrong, he just wants to cuddle, which I definitely do not wish to do.  Right now, I dont want to be touched - at ll.  But I hug him anyways.
He shouldnt suffer for my dysfunction, no matter how hard it is.

Dinner time

And I continue fighting for my bad mom of the day award, cheap out, and give the kids fruit bars and chef-boy-r-dee.
Jade, as usual, doesnt want to come to the table, and cries.  I convince him to get into his seat to *try* - because honestly - who *doesnt* like chef-boy-r-dee?
He gets up there and I spoon feed him one piece.  He eats it.
The second one, I have to beg, and as Im begging, his sister goes - "Open wide, or the big bad monster will get you"

SO shes certainly starting to figure out when certain comments fit into conversations - leading me to believe that she really does have amazing comprehension.... so Im starting to think that shes less autistic, and just more - extreme Aspergers... just maybe a shade worse then I am.

Also of note

Akiva has started walking on her tip toes, at odd times.

Jade does not sleep in his bed, he pulls everything off and makes a bed on the floor.

Jade still has to have his puppy with him, Eva has not noticed that her kitty disappeared.
Actually, Eva only carries her toys down about 25% of the time now, when she comes down from her room.  Seems shes growing past the security blanket stage naturally.

Im wondering if its my own ASpergers, or just habit that keeps me from picking up my stitching right now.  Its right in front of me, about a quarter done flower.  Its beautiful, and I really enjoy it, but I feel like Ive "messed it up" and dont want to continue on something that might turn out to be ugly.  At the same time, I "cant" move on to the next project, untill that one is finished.
*sighs*

Any advice on what a "normal" person would do?

Had a post planned

but of course, forgot to post it.  So, now that Ive remembered...
Eva slept in this morning.
Jade came down and talked our ears off.  Could make out "mama" "daddy" "puppy" "circle""outside" - but no real clue what hes talking about, despite him prattling constatly, even now.
He kept throwing his puppy down, then wanting it.  I eventually got tired of him getting up and down off my lap.

I played the bad parenting card this morning, giving him a slice of chocolate banana cake and some goldfish for breakfast.  He liked that alot.  PUt on Veggie tales, and eventually Eva came down.

Took   us half an hoour to get the cups collected, but they did eventually bring them to me.
Jade got fruit bites for helping.  He can now open the fridge, get the milk/juice out, hand it to me, put it back, and close the fridge door.

Since then, its been a pretty normal day.  Every once in a while he cries breifly because Eva has done something he doesnt like.  She bosses him, tells him to get off the couch, and he cries untill I tell her to stop.  Her usual response is to tell him that "Its ok, Jade"

*giggles* Jade just hugged her when I told her she couldnt go upstairs, and started to pout.
Eva did bring me thier cups once empty of milk, without prompting, I suppose I should fill those.....

an Evening alone with Akiva...

We put in Jurassic Park1.  She has spent a great deal of time watching the wind outside, reciting her fave parts of "A Bugs Life" and playing catch with me.  She tosses the ball with amazing accuracy, getting it in my hands most of the time, but still will not try to catch it.
Shes talked to Dexter a great deal too, but for the most part, has kept to herself.

Clayton has just come home with Jade.